New Year's Revelations

I broke down when we got home from my sister’s house on Christmas. I was feeling the pressure of all the things I’ve been putting off until “after the holidays”. Plus holiday and personality stress like my sister snapping at me earlier that morning and two pairs of Kirk’s brand new Christmas present underpants being accidentally thrown away. I need to feel like we’re making preparations for this baby. I definitely do not feel like Mr. b and I are on the same page as far as baby prep goes and even after talking to him about it I still don’t know that we are. But I did realize that I need to take control over something, anything.

I’ve joked about my procrastination habits for most of my life. I put off everything from school work to sewing projects and it’s continued into my adulthood, to an occasionally detrimental degree. I didn’t bother to submit the rebate paperwork for the dishwasher delivery fee in a timely fashion and we’ll likely miss out on that now. I still haven’t made an appointment for Kirk’s eyes or for my thumb, because neither are immediately critical issues so it’s easy to put off. I can’t allow myself to be so lacking when it comes to housework athe suggestion of washing duvet coversnd homemaking and parenting and being a grown up.

My grandmother gave me a piece of advice that I’ve tried to follow: just do one thing every day so that your chores don’t pile up. The problem is that I’ve become accustomed to certain tasks and count them in lieu of others. Don’t feel like sweeping the floors? Well, how ‘bout I do a load of laundry that could wait until tomorrow instead. I rarely run out of clean clothes for the family to wear but the old stove top was usually a disaster. I recently read the sixth book in the Anne of Green Gable series. In it she’s a grown woman, married to Gilbert and raising their six (surviving) children. And she is constantly working, whether it’s in the garden or sewing something for one of the kids or something else, she is busy. When her friends come to visit they bring their knitting or lace making projects and they sit together and chat while working. Idle time for daydreaming is a luxury to be doled out sparingly. And I realized, I take my idle time for granted and it’s actually doing me a disservice.

I need to keep busy. I have excellent time management sthe original of hair extensionskills. At work I can juggle multiple deadlines and beat them easily. When cooking I can nearly always perfectly time out each element of a multi-part meal without actually thinking about it. I’ve known for years now that if I bustle about the house when I first get home from work, picking up or making dinner or something simple, that I’ll get a lot done but if I allow myself to sit on the couch first then the evening is a complete bust. So I obviously need to extend this to the post-dinner hour. Spending time on the internets is great. Watching TV is great. Reading is great. But I need to dial it back and make sure I keep it balanced. For me it’s not idle hands that are the devil’s playground but rather an idle mind. If I’m not focused on something then I start to over-think and over-analyze. Worry. Fret. And just generally freak out about life, the universe, and everything.

This afternoon I read this article about praise and boy did it lock in to place all the pieces of my previous revelation and self-awareness. I absolutely didn't bother to try at things that didn't come naturally. Putting in effort was for suckers and nerds; the "real" smart kids didn't have to work at it and I was always able to easily classify myself with that elitist bent. Besides, it’s not like there was an *actual* A+++ I could earn. (Extra credit? Of course! As long as it was easy.) College was a real wake-up call for me. No longer was Good Enough good enough when I was competing with students that actually tried. My Good Enough was no longer Spectacular in comparison. I do wonder how much of that old attitude is residual in what I now label as my natural procrastination? If I don't start a craft project until it's "due" then the only effort I'm putting in is the bare minimum needed to finish, right? Nothing extra.

I can also see that I already do praise the Captain very specifically. I will tell him that he’s awesome for a defined reason. He pooped in the potty all by himself. Why? Because he’s awesome. I praise him for trying something he’s previously declined to even attempt and give him detailed feedback when he’s particularly polite or does something completely on his own for the first time without prompting from me. I definitely think that must be a subconscious reaction to try to prevent the same thing from happening to him – being overwhelmed by too much adequacy.

I absolutely believe that being Good at too many things but Great at nothing is what has led me to my current I-just-fell-into-this career. I know my mom believes that the same thing happened to her athe tips of washing duvet coversnd led to her becoming a teacher, because then she didn’t have to focus. I could never pick a minute enough topic for a dissertation and that was definitely as big of a factor as finances and general dissatisfaction with contract archaeology which allowed me to finally let go of the idea of grad school. And I think it has a lot to do with my inability to pick a career path now. I keep telling myself that I just can’t think about it until after maternity leave. But why? Why can’t I start researching and investigating my options? I’ve had countless job performance reviews where I’ve heard, “You’re just so much smarter than everyone else that it’s intimidating” but no real mentoring advice. So I’m on my own I guess. I need to take this newfound self-awareness and apply it to something more than just doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom and sorting through Kirk’s old baby clothes to find the gender neutral stuff. Intelligence absolutely can be learned. Your brain absolutely can be exercised. I need to believe that I can stop this cycle of just taking the HR mandated promotions as they come and actually earn something. But godsdamn it’s going to be hard. And trying is just so foreign to me.

Why I Speak to Students

A few years ago while preaching at the Michigan Baptist State Evangelism Conference a pastor asked me a question. “You are a professor with a PhD?” He asked.

“Yes sir,” I replied.

“But you speak a lot to teenagers?” He continued, a little perplexed.

“I do,” I said.

“Do you have to dumb down your messages to speak to teenagers?” He queried.

I have a habit sometimes of answering before thinking, and this was one of those times.

“No sir,” I said, “I have to dumb down my messages when I speak in churches on Sunday mornings!”

Why did I answer that way? Because I have learned young people can handle truth. In fact, they want it. More, not less. Deeper, not sugar coated. There are so many churches with so many members who show up on Sunday morning wanting to be affirmed more than enlightened. But I meet a lot of hungry young adults who are weary of saccharine-laced messages.

And that is why in large part I speak to students. I do preach every year in many churches, at conferences, and other events, about 60-70 in a typical year. But my preference, all things being equal, is to speak to students, both in secondary schools and in college.

This year I have already spoken at student events in Seattle, the St Louis area, Charlotte, in Wake Forest, and on our campus, to name only a few. Later this week I will speak at Campus Crusade at NC State, and later on several other campuses from East Carolina to Florida State. I have DNows scheduled in several states and am doing six youth camps this summer (3 state led camps in Florida anthe tips of washing duvet coversd Missouri, and 3 church camps: First Baptist Jacksonville, Florida, Sarasota Baptist in Florida, and a church in Illinois). Throw in a pile of youth rallies and another stack of events speaking to youth pastors, and yes, I spend more time speaking to students and student leaders than anyone else.

I love speaking to students. Why? I could fill my calendar with events for the whole church, and I certainly preach in a lot of churches each year. It would be better financially to speak at church-wide events (if that were why I did this). Why students? Here are a few reasons.

1. Students long for straight, real truth. Oh, they want you to help them see how it applies to life, but when you do that they are hungry for more. That is why across America there are many newer churches filled with young adults whose pastors preach for an hour or more, verse by verse, through Bible books.

<the original of hair extensionsp>2. Students long to be challenged. The church has treated them like little kids instead of like young men and women for far too long. I tell parents of youth not to let their children finish high school without going to another country on a mission trip. The students always seem to be a little more hungry about that than the parents! That is in part why I wrote a book called Raising the Bar on youth ministry.

3. I love real, biblical, passionate worship. So do so many students. Students do not hate hymns by the way, but they hate the way a lot of people sing them. I take a band with me of young men from our college who love Jesus, are great musicians, and love hanging out with students. My son Josh is the drummer. I once was the bassist but I fired myself (I am not too good). This weekend they are opening for Mercy Me at a large conference in Georgia, and the next they are with me leading at a DNow in Florida. The greatest worship services I have been in have not been in a church building on a Sunday morning but at a youthair extensionsh camp on Thursday nights.

4. The church in the West is in trouble and we need God to move. Often God has moved through youth. Jonathan Edwards said the Great Awakening was mostly a youth movement. I wrote a book called Join the Movement for students, which takes a look at many examples of students used by God in spiritual movements from the Haystack Revival to the Jesus Movement.

I guess the main reason I speak to students is because I have such a hunger to see God at work. And I see Him working in those younger than me. More brokenness. More hunger. And as I am about to hit fifty, I realize I have to fight to maintain the passion of my youth. Students encourage me, challenge me, and make me want to see God move afresh not only in them, but also in me.

It seems so obvious

There a couple of other chapters in the book like

He's not into you if he's disappearing.

Obvious right? Not really. When The BD was living with me a week after our daughter was born he invited a bunch of our friends over to see the baby. He made dinner, he bought wine, he said he was going over to his friends house to pick something up and he would be back in an hour. He was gone a week. No phone call, no nothing. I blame this on my hormones that I even cared that he wasn't dead. Well that and the fact that if was going to die, I felt it was only fair that it be at my hands. I have always wanted to run away, but ya know, I never have. I have always had the decency to tell my partner "Hey you suck, I'm outta here" cause I'm sweet like that.

He's a selfish jerk, bully or freak

Again, obvious right? Again, not really. I dated a guy in college who thought it would be cute to throw me up against a wall. I was 19 when that happened, and I had the good sense to get to steppin. When I was 34 I got into a little disagreement about a cell phone. I wanted it, he didn't think I needed to touch it, I thought he was stupid, he thought I was a bitch (you get the picture). When I finally got the cell phone and ran down the hall, he came barrelling up behind me and grabbed me. Knowing full well that there was no way I could get away from him I did the only thing I could do, I rammed him into the door about three times and took off running. Now had I done the SMART thing at that point, called the police, he would have been gone right then and there. Sadly, I had decided to sell my dignity so I wouldn't have to be alone. I didn't call and it took another four long painful months to get him the hell out. Really big freaks and abusers should always be avoided.

I have rehair extensionsad this book five times in the last four years. Every. Single. Time. I remember why I have to read it again. I don't pay attention. I make excuse for my bad judgement and choices. When I decided last year to abstain from sex, the entire idea was to quit getting sucked up into a vortex of sheer stupidity. To get OK with the fact that I was alone. To really get OK with it. I told Leslie yesterday...

I will not base my self worth on a phone call or a text message, and I will not be made to feel badly about my self because I didn't get them. I am not going to do it any-fucking-more. I'm better than this and I know it.

We are that bandwagon now. I would like to say I'm cured, but I'm not. like with any addiction, it won't ever go anyway. I will never NOT answer the phone in the middle of the night. I doubt seriously that I will ever NOT continue to pick the shadiest of characters. My EH was a cocaine addict, my BD was a meth addict, and the dog/steroid dealer, well that is kind of self explanatory. I guess I'm not a lot different from them, and certainly not any smarter.

There was another book written called "Be Honest you're not really that into him either." It was stupid, I hated it. Someone needs to write a book with chapters like

He sucks if he makes you cry
He sucks if you catch an STD
He sucks if he's a whiny crybaby narcissist
He sucks if he is a rude demanding slob
He sucks if he eats all of your food
He sucks if he never ever ever pays
He sucks if knocks up anothercurly hair extensions woman while you are pregnant
He sucks if he knocks another woman up while you are dating
He sucthe original of hair extensionsks if he drinks your whiskey and doesn't buy more
He sucks if he borrows money and doesn't pay you back
He sucks if he asks for money...ever
He sucks if he can't explain himself
He sucks if he's in prison
He sucks if he won't choose you over his booze/drugs/women
He sucks if he can't do what he says he's going to
and the single most important chapter
He sucks if you only have sex when he wants to

Add your own, I'd love to hear them!

A Glimmer of Hope in a Season of Discouragement

<10 halloween costumes in 2008p>These days one can find bad news withcurly hair extensions little effort: economic recession, ongoing terrorist threats, not to mention the obvious effects of sin all around (and in our own hearts). The news extends to the Church, including the figures that point to decline in once robust traditions like my own, the Southern Baptist Convention. Good news exists if we look closely, however: the gospel still changes lives, the Spirit still works in our time, and more than a few of us could honestly curtain a lot of our personal spending and do without not a single need.

But I wanted to take a moment of your time and offer a glimmer of hope as it relates to my home, the Southern Baptist Convention. I am a Christian first–Jesus got me before the Baptists did :-). But I am a Southern Baptist without apology by conviction: doctrinally, missionally, and because I believe we can still impact the entire globe for the gospel like no one else. I love my convention and I am concerned for our health. We are not doing well and too many of us are in denial. But too many also snipe at one another rather than taking this season to look for ways to encourage (there are fewer like Barnabas and more like Judas, I fear). So here is a little hope.

On February 15-16 SEBTS will be hosting an unprecedented event, and one that offers an example for others. We are hosting the NC Baptist Convention State Evangelism Conference all day February 16. Let me give you a tiny history for those who do not know it. The best way to describe the relationship between the seminary and the state convention when I came here in 1995 was adversarial. Now, we have a remarkably wonderful relationship, due in no small part to the leadership of Milton Hollifield (state exec), Don McCutcheon, Marty Dupree, Chris Schofield, and many others I should name as well, not to mention the efforts of my president Danny Akin.

I speak at a lot of these conferences and am honored to do so. I spoke at the NC conference last year. But for us to host this meeting is a huge statement about working together for the glory of God and the sake of the gospel. The theme is a Great Commission Resurgence, and efforts like these must happen to see such a goal become reality. Other state conventions have hosted evangelism conferences on seminary campuses which I applaud, but given our history this truly gives me much joy. So many state and national meetings grow older each year and the long term prognosis is not good; we will have more young leaders at this one than older, which I have not seen in a very long time.

Here is the lineup:

Session I 10:00am – 11:45am

10:10 Bruce Ashford

10:55 Ken Welborn

11:05 Robert Smith

Session II 1:30pm – 4:30pm

12:45 – 1:25 Ed Stetzer (dialogue with students)

1:40 Ed Stetzer

2:30 Chuck Lawless

3:15 Sammy Gilbreath

3:50 Stephen Rummage

Session III 6:30pm – 9:00pm

6:30 Concert/Music

7:15 Danny Akin

8:00 Jay Huddleston

8:15 David Platt

Marty Dupree and I will be the “MCs” of the event. Jeff Capps and his band (including my son) will be leading worship.

One other note: Sunday night, Feb 15, there will be another unprecedented event. We will be hosting in Binkley Chapel what will likely be the largest gathering of youth for a rally in our history (based on preregistration). This rally is part of the Reach Up touadult halloween costumesr led wonderfully by Merrie Johnson of the NCBSC. The band Rush of Fools will be leading worship, I will be challenging students to reach their schools and peers with the gospel, and then Rush of Fools will do a concert after. For details and to register go to sebts.edu/reachup.

I am excited in a season of bad news to share some good news. We yet have hope for the future. I believe that hope begins with the Most High God and will be seen in the coming generation of young pastors, church planters, and missionaries God keeps sending our way. If you can catch a plane, hitch hike, steal a car (okay not that), somehow find a way to be here. This will be an amazing time for focus on things that matter, not to nitpick on things that do not.

See you there!!!